Why You Shouldn’t Be Friends With Your Ex Girlfriend If You Want Her Back

If your ex-girlfriend has thrown in the “lets still be friends” speech after breaking up with you, it may seem like a good idea at the time. Instead of watching her disappear from your life completely, you can stay a part of her reality and find a positive way to keep in touch. For a while it may seem like the perfect solution to the problem, and maybe it will keep the pain of the breakup at bay. You can still spend time together and talk the way you’re used to without having to completely change your pre-existing patterns.

You think that by staying a part of her world and her life you can step in the moment she starts second-guessing the breakup. If she’s ever down or lonely, you’ll be there to help. She can lean on you and depend on you the way she always has and everything will be just fine. You think that the only thing that’s really changed is the label of being her “boyfriend” and that there’s a very fine line between friendship and a romantic relationship if you can just wait it out and be patient.

You’ve made a significant error in judgment, and you may be a lot farther from getting her back than you think.

Staying Friends with an Ex – the Reality

Before jumping head-first onto the friendship train for a ride around crazy town, you need to realize that your ex-girlfriend really isn’t interested in being your friend. It may be hard to accept – especially if the breakup caught you off guard and staying friends seemed like the only way you could stay a part of her life so you held on for dear life. In order to get her back in a romantic way you need to let go of the idea that friendship with an ex is even possible. If you stay friends, the chances of you reconnecting romantically are slim to none. With every day that passes, those chances get further and further away.

Does friendship work with someone that you’re still harboring feelings towards? The truth is no. All you can put into this “friendship” is the illusion of friendship. You’re pretending while denying the truth about what you really feel. You may have agreed to this new and awkward arrangement out of desperation. You saw this as the only viable way to stay a part of your ex-girlfriend’s life so you went along with it. So now, while you’re stuck in the friend zone, you’re just simply biding your time and waiting for a miracle that will completely change her mind. You think one day she’s just going to wake up and realize how wrong she was for leaving you and beg you to take her back again. That’s not going to happen. In the meantime, you’re walking on egg-shells terrified that you’re going to make a mistake that will send her off in the opposite direction and just hoping against all hope that some new guy doesn’t come along and catch her eye.

If you think about this situation from an outside point of view, it doesn’t sound appealing, and it’s not. All you’re accomplishing by the minute is setting yourself up for failure. You’re slowly but surely digging a chasm between you and your ex that is only getting wider by the moment. Eventually the gap between you will be too big, and there will be no hope of getting back to the other side. You’ll blow your chance for good without even realizing your mistake until it was too late.

Attempting Friendship is a Horrible Mistake

If you try and build a friendship out of the ruins of your relationship with your ex-girlfriend, you’re making yourself look foolish. You’re letting her walk all over you and giving her exactly what she wants. You’ve agreed to let her diminish your position in her life, and you’re sticking around while she’s actively seeking out your replacement. Staying friends with an ex is only a good idea if you want her to completely remove any association she has with you in a romantic context. She’s already started the process of shifting her perception of you from romance to friendship. That process undermines the bonds that were formed throughout your relationship and severs your opportunity to reconnect. If you both continue down this road, she’ll associate you with nothing more than friendship in very little time.

You may already feel like your chances of getting back together are limited. The truth is simple. If you don’t act now, your chances won’t just be limited – they’ll be gone. You’re putting yourself at a disadvantage by allowing yourself to stay in a situation where the odds are already stacked against you. It’s time to take action.

Once you realize that trying to maintain this type of pseudo “friendship” with your ex-girlfriend isn’t possible, profitable or healthy, it will be easier for you to move on. You’re allowing her to get all of the positive aspects out of the friendship – she gets to keep you in her life regardless of how you feel and over time you will grow to resent her for it. These friendships are not what they may seem from an outside perspective. They’re always unequal and can grow into huge problems for both parties involved.

The Benefits Your Ex-Girlfriend Gets from Your Friendship

– She gets to keep you in her life and can enjoy that comfort
– She doesn’t have to wonder what you’re up to – she knows
– She has a built-in support system if she is feeling down
– She can discuss all her problems with you whenever she wants
– If she needs help, support or anything else, she can call on you
– All the things she enjoyed from your romantic relationship without having to be committed or exclusive

That seems great for her, right? If you think that doesn’t seem one sided, take a look at the things you can expect by continuing this friendship.

What you Can Expect from Staying Friends with Your Ex

– You get front-row seats to watching your ex move on
– The awkward tension of wondering if it’s okay to call her or not
– The nearly constant paranoia of her meeting someone new
– The feeling of insecurity and doubt every time she hangs out with someone else
– Insincere happiness every time you just have to smile, nod and pretend to be supportive
– Dealing with jealousy if she does hook up with someone else and having to watch them together and hear all about it later

If this relationship is starting to seem a little one-sided, you’re right. It is. All you’re doing by staying in this “friendship” is continuing her belief that the breakup was a smart choice and she was right to make it. She has not had to give anything up. No sacrifices were made on her part. Meanwhile, your heart is being continually ripped to shreds right in front of her and she neither notices nor cares. This situation is completely unfair to you, and you need to step up and decide to change it.

Think about it from a different perspective. Why would she choose to be with you again? What possible reason would she have for starting to see you in a romantic sense again? She is reaping all of the benefits without any of the cost, and she’d be crazy to give all that up for another shot at your relationship. Getting back together with you would be going backwards and all she’s interested in is going forward, since it seems to be going so well.

Because you’re always around and you’re still a constant presence in her life, she never has to miss you. You’re not giving her the opportunity to realize what she’s lost because she hasn’t lost anything. You’re in her life just like normal and she has no reason to question her decision to leave.

The Dreaded “Friend-Zone”

Thinking that staying friends with your ex will increase your chances of getting back together, you’re severely misinformed. Winning an ex-girlfriend back can be a long, hard road to begin with – but attempting a friendship will make an already difficult process even harder.

Your reaction to her request to stay friends can determine your chances of being her boyfriend again. Your first moves after the breakup can make or break your ability to win her back and can also accurately gauge the difficulty of the road ahead.

Going from Friends to Romance? Not a chance

How many times do you hear about someone in the corporate world having to face an unwanted demotion at work? They were a supervisor or manager, but for whatever reason they are being bumped back down to just another cubicle junky. It’s probably relatively common. Now how many times do you hear about that same person being promoted to supervisor status again? Chances are, it’s pretty rare. You’re in the same exact position whether you accept it or not.

By requesting a friendship with you after ending your romantic relationship, your ex-girlfriend is essentially saying that she likes having you around – but not enough to want to continue the relationship romantically. She wants to look at other options without the guilt of cheating on you. That should not be enough for you. If that is simply less than satisfying, then you need to do something about it.

In order to get your ex-girlfriend to see you in a romantic light again, you need to spark her interest. If you don’t, you’re just putting yourself in the position of sitting on the sidelines while she goes and finds herself another quarterback. You’ve been benched, and it’s your job to take action.

Can you even imagine what it would be like to watch her find another man? You get season tickets on the front lines as they begin the stages of their relationship. You get to see her face light up when he texts or calls her. You get to watch them flirt with each other. You get to see him touch her and have her blush like she used to with you. You’ll want to walk away long before the physical stuff begins – but you won’t. You’ll sit there patiently just in case there’s a chance she’ll change her mind and want you again. You feel as though supporting her is what she expects, and you give it to her without question. You’re watching someone else steal the girl you love right under your nose – and there’s nothing you can do about it.

By agreeing to this kind of friendship, you’re making your chances of romantically reconnecting disappear overnight. People don’t go from lovers to friends and back again in real life. It’s usually a one way street. If you take any steps towards getting back together once the friend zone has taken hold, she’ll accuse you of trying to ruin the friendship. She’ll see right through you and realize that you’re not satisfied with being friends and she’ll drop you like a bad habit.

If you’ve convinced yourself that there’s always a good time to make your move later, you’re wrong. You’ve missed your last chance and you didn’t even get to say goodbye. From now until the end of time, she’s going to see you in a non-sexual way. She won’t see you as a potential mate or partner. Once that is gone, it’s gone for good.

You’ve successfully made yourself the guy that she can turn to when every other guy breaks her heart. She can safely share all the intimate details of her new relationship or fling with you, and you are just expected to smile and take it like a man. Aren’t you happy for her? Grab your popcorn and settle in for the long haul, dude – this is your ex-girlfriend’s new romantic life, and you have the best seat in the house.

Additional Reasons to Avoid Friendship with Your Ex-Girlfriend

As telling as the previous scenario above is, there are more reasons out there than just that to avoid entering into a platonic friendship with someone you used to enjoy a romantic attachment with. Any friendship that attempts to be established with a former flame isn’t going to last – it can’t. No matter which of the below situations occurs, your friendship will end badly. As you watch your “friendship” disappear, you can wave goodbye to your shot of reconnecting as well.

She Starts Seeing Someone New

If your ex-girlfriend has moved past the breakup enough to throw herself into the dating scene, staying friends with her will grow more and more difficult for you. You won’t be able to help it – you’ll be measuring up this new guy in every way imaginable and comparing their relationship to the one you wish you still had. Do you think the new man in her life will enjoy the fact that his girl is still friends with an ex?

Not likely. He’s not going to like the fact that she’s keeping you around, and it will probably be fairly obvious to him that you’re still harboring romantic feelings for his girl. No guy in his right mind wants his girlfriend hanging out with someone that she was intimate with. He will want to put as much distance between you and her as possible, and this will break down any friendship that you may have successfully established.

You Start Dating Again

If you find a new girl that you just can’t get enough of, what do you think she’d say to you being friends with your ex? Will you be upfront and honest or will you try to minimize it and keep it a secret entirely? No matter how platonic the relationship is now, the fact that you used to date someone that you’re friends with will not appeal to your new girl. She’ll both come right out and ask you to stop the friendship or you’ll be forced to keep your friendship a secret. Either way, you’re dooming your new relationship to failure and holding onto something that’s already gone.

What Should I Tell My Ex About Staying Friends?

If your ex has had the breakup talk with you and then brings up the idea of staying friends, your answer should be relatively easy. Just tell her no. If she questions your reasons, tell her that you still care about her and pretending to be her friend wouldn’t be in either one of your best interests. You respect her too much to fake a friendship with her, so you just can’t do it.

Your refusal to be friends will knock the wind out of your ex-girlfriend’s sails and make her instantly start to re-evaluate her position on the breakup. She’s not expecting you to put up a fight and refuse a friendship. In fact, she’s counting on the fact that she can still keep you around. She now is forced to face the reality that you’re intending to walk out of her life completely, and that’s the last thing she’s expecting to happen. You’re taking away her safety net, and now she’s left up on that tightrope all by herself. She’ll start to feel insecure and unsure of her footing. By standing up for yourself and refusing to compromise, you have taken some of the power away from her and that is not something she had counted on.

Why an Offer of Friendship Can be a Good Sign

Even though your ex-girlfriend ended the relationship, she’s looking to keep you around as a part of her life. That means that she’s not willing to simply cut ties and walk away. If she was truly convinced that you weren’t good for her and she could do better, she wouldn’t give a second thought to walking away without looking back. She’s not doing that. That’s why standing up for yourself and holding your ground at this point is so vital. If you want to have a chance to get her back you need to remain strong.

Additional Ways to Get Her Back

Matt Huston is known as the reconciliation expert for a reason. He has created a system especially for guys in your position called the EX2 System. Using this system correctly will not only put you back in control of your own options and your own future, it will teach you how to read your ex’s feelings and use them to your advantage.

This system has been proven successful 84% of the time and it can be started the second you download it. No situation is too hopeless to turn around if you have the right tools to make it happen. He offers a free introduction to his system and an audio guide to give you more insight into what his system can do for you.

It is possible to rekindle your broken relationship and get that initial spark back. If you’re stuck in the friend zone or your ex is ignoring you, you can turn your circumstances around by using this system correctly.

Listen to the testimonials from men who have already used this system below.

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